I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
