I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
