a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My life is pants optional.
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