You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
