I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
