I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
