like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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