So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
