i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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