yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
