dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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