She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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