He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
