We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
