worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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