i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
