"it" just moved
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
as a side note pls kill me
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