this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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