I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
