Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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