i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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