i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
