guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
