we have officially lost it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I intend to get homeless drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
