im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
