It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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