I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The air was thick with penises
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
