That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
