I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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