Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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