Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
