I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
