I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
