Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
