So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
