I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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