Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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