hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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