But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
