do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
