I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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