you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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