I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
