I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
