my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
