I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
