i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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