I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
