You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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