I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
