Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
